I didn’t know the Heavenly Father I had until I lost my earthly father to cancer in 1984. Yes, I knew about God and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior at age six, with my delighted father kneeling next to me. I sang about God in church and memorized verses about Him so I could attend church camp. But I never experienced Him as my loving Father Who would fight for me and carry me (Exodus 14:14; Deuteronomy 1:30-31) until the summer after my father died and I received a suspension letter from the university.
I wasn’t much different from the children of Israel as they commenced their 40-year trek in the wilderness. We shared the same Heavenly Father, we knew the stories of old, but we didn’t know Him personally.
Maybe we are a little too hard on the Israelites, but it was time for me, like them, to trade in the hand-me-down faith for a personal faith. Both of us faced a journey that required crossing uncertain terrain and ultimately encountering giants.
I missed several weeks of school when my father died. I couldn’t concentrate once I returned to classes. When I headed home for the summer, I was under no illusion about my lackluster academic performance that semester. Still, the suspension letter accompanying my grades came as a shock.
A Journey of Discovery Begins
Intellectually, I knew God was in control. But Instead of relying upon Him, I spent sleepless nights scheming how to get back in school. Only after my plans failed did I learn to surrender the situation to Him. My mother and church family journeyed with me in prayer through the wilderness that summer — and God answered! A new dean replaced the old one, just weeks before enrollment.
But fear melted my confidence when I heard the name of the new dean. I’d witnessed him earlier in the school year shouting at a young reporter and the editorial staff in the school newsroom. I felt like there was a giant in the land. I wanted to turn back.
Nevertheless, I made an appointment with him. I arrived with nothing rehearsed to say — this was no longer in my hands. When I reached my Jordan, I found the Lord had parted the water for me. The dean was surprisingly — pleasant.
I shared what happened to my father; I knew my grades were low, but I wished to come back.
He looked at some papers, expressed understanding, and agreed to readmit me — on probation. The entire exchange took less than five minutes. Suddenly God’s sovereignty and love connected not only in my head but also in my heart.
Memories of my father sometimes flicker through my mind like grainy home movies. I miss him but because of that summer experience, I gained a more mature understanding of God. I learned, like the Israelites, that I have a Heavenly Father Who will fight the giants and carry me through uncertain times. This gives me peace and confidence as He leads me on this journey through life.
Copyright © 2010 by David Harlen Brooks
(Published in Evangel a publication of the Free Methodist Church on June 20, 2010)
