“Love your enemies” and “turn the other cheek.” Jesus’ commands are tall orders to fill — especially when your enemy seems to be a fellow Christian. Try to walk Jesus’ talk, and most likely you will feel the sting on both sides of your face— even in a Christian ministry.
More often than not, a war of words starts to fly or a cold war is waged. We get angry, we feel hurt. We may ask, “When will he ever change?” “Hasn’t this gone on long enough?” “Isn’t she affecting the ministry?” “Do we have to take this?”
We feel vindicated when others see the faults we’ve seen in a particular person. We huddle together and trade war stories. In the end, that doesn’t provide comfort either.
Whether we witness the skirmishes from the sidelines, find ourselves as non-combatants caught in unfriendly crossfire, or feel the conflict up close and personal, God is more concerned with how we respond than who’s right or wrong.
Attitude Check
In Luke 15:1-7, Jesus was eating with tax collectors and sinners. The Pharisees objected so Jesus told a simple story about a lost sheep.
“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep. I tell you that in the same way there is more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”
You can almost hear the crowd chuckling at such a preposterous story. No one would leave ninety-nine sheep in open country to find one stray. But that’s the point.
The Pharisees kept sinners beyond arm’s length; Jesus had an open-arms policy. He welcomed Gentiles, the unclean, tax collectors, and prostitutes (Mark 2). He also welcomes the bossy, the cranky, insensitive and loose-lipped among us. In verse 17 Jesus said, “…It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
A Lesson from The Far Side
Now, imagine this parable as one of Gary Larson’s Far Side cartoons. Picture ninety-nine sheep milling around in the open field, discussing little Arnie the black sheep’s latest blunder.
The Good Shepherd places no time limit and considers no distance too great to bring back a lost sheep. When he finds little Arnie, he doesn’t scold or threaten to club the little wanderer.
No, the Good Shepherd is gentle. Sheep by nature walk on all fours, but little Arnie has a tendency to stray, so the Good Shepherd picks up little Arnie and puts him on his shoulders. He doesn’t heave him up there roughly to strongly hint his displeasure and inconvenience. However, he doesn’t allow him to tag along at his side on all fours either. Maybe Arnie wiggles a bit. But the Good Shepherd’s hands firmly grip Arnie’s ankles so he can’t get away.
“Oh, geez, here I am on the Shepherd’s shoulders again,” sighs little Arnie who finally settles in for the trip back to the fold. His warm underside pumps on the Shepherd’s neck as the Shepherd carries him in the cool dark night under the stars until morning dawns and they have reached the other sheep. Arnie feels embarrassed. He sees the others whispering around the watering hole. Then he hears it. “Hey, here comes Arnie on the shepherd’s shoulders again!” The rest snicker. But the Good Shepherd, just as gently as he picked up Arnie a little earlier, also lifts him off his shoulders and deposits Arnie on the ground—on all fours.
During times of interpersonal conflict, we might ask, “Who am I in this scenario?” “Am I falling into the pharisaical trap?” “Are my arms open or closed?” “Am I one of the ninety-nine sheep?” “Is God pleased with my thoughts about the Arnies in this world?” “Do I feel superior?” Honestly now, how often are we the Good Shepherd in this story?
There’s one more character to consider. “Am I an Arnie?” “How about the sin in my own life—the obvious and not so obvious?” “Would Jesus still offer me His open arms?” According to this story, yes! So how can I do less? Clearly, we are all a work in progress.
A Novel Idea
We often like to vilify our supposed enemy. But maybe we can learn a lesson from novelists. Novelists know that no one is totally evil. That might be hard to imagine while the haze lingers over the battlefield. But even an antagonist is given some redeeming qualities to make him multi-dimensional and believable to the reader.
So, what are the redeeming qualities of your supposed nemesis? Think back to better times. Remember the good things the person has done for you, for others, or for the ministry.
Similarly, novelists know that people are complex. Good or bad, characters have reasons that make them do the things they do.
It’s true in life, too. Try looking below the surface of the issue. Ask questions such as, “How was she raised?” “What experiences might contribute to his actions?” “Does she lack affirmation?” “Is he really pleading to be heard?” The bad guy or gal in your life may be carrying a wounded spirit.
Shooting the Wounded
Some years ago, Dwight L. Carlson, M.D., a physician and psychiatrist (and RMI Board Chairman), wrote a book titled, Why Do Christians Shoot Their Wounded? Helping (Not Hurting) Those with Emotional Difficulties. He says in the parable of the soils, the seed cannot grow well because of the rocks. Spiritually, someone needs to clear these obstructions so God’s Word can grow in people’s lives. Later he says, “God does the supernatural when he gives us spiritual life. But often he leaves it to the church and sometimes, to healing professionals to untangle us from the weaknesses, infirmities and harmful habits that bind us.”
Let’s face it, a church or Christian organization is no different than any other organization—people are difficult to get along with. But that’s not an excuse.
Colossians 3:13,14 says, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
That doesn’t leave us any wiggle room. We have to forgive.
What About the Kingdom Work?
The real kingdom work is what God is doing in our hearts and in the life of the other person. Everyone enters the Christian race at different starting points. Issues in a person’s life don’t disappear after the “Amen” uttered in the sinner’s prayer. So we must bear with our brothers and sisters—and they with us. Otherwise, we tear down the very kingdom we’re trying to build.
Galatians 5:14,15 gives a firm warning. “The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” God takes love and forgiveness seriously.
People come and sometimes go. But you know what? Problems don’t go away because an offender leaves. Issues still arise—different people, different circumstances. We still have to practice loving, forgiving, and turning the other cheek.
Copyright © 2009 by David Harlen Brooks
(Author’s Note: The “Far Side” vision of Little Arnie came to me while reading Luke 15 in the Bible during a time I struggled to forgive someone. Several years ago I developed it into an article more for my own benefit and instruction. I put off publishing it because I didn’t want to be hypocritical. Forgiving is hard — especially within the imperfect body of Christ where we have higher expectations of one another. So I offer this not as one who has mastered Jesus’ command but as a fellow struggler.)
